FiRST iMPRESSiON

when I got used

A SMALL TOWN in FLORIDA

A BORiNG EVENiNG IN DECEMBER

FROM A LONG LONG TIME AGO SO WE DASH THROUGH IT

At the local bar, the one with the vats of FROZEN DRiNKS spinning and spinning on the first floor. The second floor has pool, arcade games. The third has a tiki rooftop. I am neither here nor there, only passing through on a winter break.

They spot me, the two. Friends, old ones, from HiGH SCHOOL. Friendly. Warm. I introduce them to my sister, the one who dragged me out.

They introduce me to her. HER, HER, HER.

We post up by the bar, the only ones in here. Conversation flowing, brain freezes growing, teeth glowing. Black light in here babyyy.

She SiPS HER DRinK and eyes me. I sip mine and eye her. We let the other LADiES fill the air with words.

Ouch. Damn. Those drinks hit hard. Upstairs to the pool. I make fun of her form. She sinks it anyways. She sticks her tongue out.

Fast forward. On the roof. It’s Florida mami, it’s still nice out. She’s on my lap kissing me. Her friends talking to some Australians on the terrace. Us tucked away behind the bar. My sister, home to her kids.

I’m not thinking. I make a JOKE about her kissing. She pulls away.

BRAiN FREEZE.

A LiVELY AFTERNOON iN MAY

It’s WiNE DOWN WEDNESDAYS, in the spot with the big patio. Everyone’s here. All the people you wanna see, and all the ones you don’t.

I just let the music move me. Slapping backs, having laughs. People showing me their phones, gossiping. My friend showing everyone her FAKE TiTS. The other silently proud of her own new nose.

She’s there. Her. HER, HER, HER.

I don’t chase. I let our groups mix. I wait for a couple more glasses.

I grab her by the WAiST. She recoils and looks up at me. We’re alone. Not really, but it feels like that. Because of the EYE CONTACT. We can’t help it.

I tell her I’m sorry. It was a stupid joke. I don’t know what I was thinking.

Mhm.

She lingers. I keep pressing. I keep trying.

We’re dancing. Everyone is. I press up against her. She lets me—before spinning. I try kissing. She smiles and puts her finger up to MY LiPS.

You think you can get with this?

Okay okay, you win girl. I tell her, I want to take you on a date.

She says, I’d like that.

Numbers exchanged. I wait a day, then pounce. TiME and PLACE. We lock it in.

A BLURRY NiGHT iN JUNE

I pick her up from her house. Big one. Big, big one. Driveway you could park an 18 wheeler in. Leads to a roundabout, a courtyard with a big fountain. BiG, BiG, BiG. Tobacco money. (She tells me later, cheeks red.)

I get out of the car to knock on her door. She runs out before I can. I was going to greet her parents, but the lasers in her eyes tells me to trust her. Ask NO QUESTiONS.

I open the door for her. She gets in. She looks FANTASTiC.

Charcoal sleeveless top. Tight and cropped so I can see her abs. Light denim maxi skirt. With that high slit in the middle. Some green Sambas with scrunched light pink socks.

HAiR UP, one strand down. She can’t miss.

Dinner. We talk, we talk, we talk. I like her. A lot. She plays it cooler than me. I don’t care.

Drinks after. We talk, talk, talk. Drink, drink, drink.

I get in the car. I’m GOOD to DRiVE, RELAX. (Just don’t pull me over and make me prove it.)

I put my hand on her thigh. She looks down at my lips. We kiss. KiSS, KiSS, KiSS.

Okay time to take you home, girl. I’m a gentleman you see. I want this one to last.

We’re almost home, by the moonlight. She lives in one of those neighborhoods that’s not done building yet. Construction. No LiGHTS on the STREETS. She tells me to pull in to this road. But that’s not what I remember.

She says, trust me.

It leads us down to a lake. She pulls out a joint from her purse, a little clam shell thing.

We smoke, we get baked. Hot box. Making out and giggling.

She starts pulling at my shirt. Licking my ear. Kissing my neck.

I tell her—no girl, we don’t have to do this. I wanna take you home. I wanna take you to mom and dad.

She says shush, unbuckling my pants.

THE MORNiNG AFTER

We wake up in the car. In our seats. Reclined. I have no pants on. My shirt—unbuttoned.

She’s clothed but her panties are on the dash.

Dew on the windows. Handprints on the passenger side in the back.

Damn girl, I gotta get you back. The ducks are out, the sun is rising.

Mhm, she says. Opening her eyes slowly and blinking hard.

My head is pounding. I’m thirsty. I get it together, pull the car out. Find her house. Try to turn too fast. I knock one of the garden lights off. Fuck.

Her DAD is by the pillar in front of the garage. All leather on, his bike idling.

She says, ugh. Under her breath.

Tells me to drop her off here, to go. I say, no. I should apologize to her dad. She puts her PANTiES in her PURSE and tells me not to argue. That her parents are Christian.

I wave. He looks at me.

She gets out and walks towards him, kisses him on the cheek. He hugs her and sends her inside.

I turn my car off. He SHAKES his HEAD. I turn it back on and drive off.

I get halfway to my house when I realize I have HER PHONE.

I call mine with hers. Her mom picks up. Cold, quick.

Hi. Your phone is here. She’s sleeping. So just come back whenever.

Click. Dispatched.

I ain’t going back.

I go back.

Her dad comes out. Still in the same gear. Bike is tucked away. I go to shake his hand. He looks at me. Hands me my phone. Snatches hers.

Tells me to grab the debris from the light I broke. Put it in my car. And when I get home…

shove it up your ass kid.